Many years ago, on the central highlands of Brazil, I wrote the Marriage of Souls. It was an expression of my love and need for love and the world’s need for love. In Love and Sex Medicine, much of the essence of the Marriage of Souls is present but I did not capture the essence of what I myself did not think I would fully live.
The way that I see the Marriage of Souls—it is about creating heaven on earth together. I had that vision and put it down on paper 20 years ago and have lived a life of love ever since. From my perspective there is nothing more beautiful than true love, nothing more needed, nothing more hoped for than love, intimacy and understanding from another. Everyone on the planet secretly hungers for love but few find what they are looking for.
We are having a hard time with love and relationships so much so that many stop believing in love altogether. In Japan it is already a well-recognized phenomenon. Japan’s under-40s crowd en masse appears to have lost interest in conventional relationships. Millions aren’t even dating, and increasing numbers can’t be bothered with sex. For their government, "celibacy syndrome" is part of a looming national catastrophe. The country is experiencing "a flight from human intimacy." A survey in 2011 found that 61% of unmarried men and 49% of women aged 18-34 were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. A survey earlier this year by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) found that 45% of women aged 16-24 "were not interested in or despised sexual contact". More than a quarter of men felt the same way.
From the point of view of the Marriage of Souls, this is a tragedy. Anytime two beings touch closely on our planet it is something of a miracle so hard has it become to establish and maintain real love. Our pure beings need pure love, deserve pure love and live on pure love but somehow our minds, that separate from the heart, find other things beside love to keep itself occupied. The Marriage of Souls is about pure beings sharing pure love so it is only for those who want pure love more than anything else. The pure light of pure being, perfectly vulnerable, perfectly feeling, perfectly real is what we are looking for in the Marriage of Souls.
I discovered a long time ago that the most important key to finding love is seen in our willingness and ability to be vulnerable. To treasure vulnerable love is the first law of a pure heart and it is the vulnerable (meek) who will inherit the earth. The purpose of our life here on earth is to contact our being, expand and grow our being by coming into a direct relationship with the essence of our heart’s true nature. And what is this true nature? The Heart is the Vulnerability of Being!
The Marriage of Souls concerns itself with the quality of our love, its depth and the purity, the openness and honesty, with the quality of our communications and listening. The Marriage of Souls is about relationships between souls and as such transcends the sexual issue that so obsesses human consciousness.
The Marriage of Souls is a divinely beautiful pathway that leads us to an eventual return to complete Oneness with one, and then with a greater family of beings. The Marriage of Souls is about a heavenly bliss shared between beings that love each other from the bottom of their hearts.
The mirror of God’s love is found in the love for many.
We learn this love when we open our hearts
and learn love in its many forms.
Each being offers us a unique opportunity to learn love.
The more beings we truly love the closer to God we become
for God loves all beings.
The expansion of human love into divine love is paralleled by our expansion past the limits of the possessive couple bond. The more beings we collect into our hearts the greater and nobler our souls become. The Marriage of Souls is learning the way God loves. The basic tenant of the Marriage of Souls is openness on a heart level. It is about the openness of the heart coupled with the freedom to love and communicate with other beings.
By their openness, people dedicated to the truth
live in the open, and through the exercise of their courage
to live in the open, they become free from fear.
M. Scott Peck
Highlands of Brazil
The reason I am writing this particular essay is to celebrate, focus on and remember an extraordinary day I had recently. If you have read my essay about my most recent experiences with my wife’s best friend who had cancer, you will remember that my wife recently left me at Sanctuary with instructions to open my heart and love her friend. She also was praying for me to save her from cancer and the treatments prescribed for her, which included starting with stomach and spleen removal surgery. I wrote 19 years ago:
If you want to love my being because of The Oneness of Being
than you need to love her being for in the Oneness she is my
being as she is your being as she is all beings. If you do not love
her being than you do not love my being and then you will not
love your own being for we are all one being. Love her
being, love my being, and love your own being.
This is the love of God for God loves all beings.
Non-possessive love between intimate souls is a new light arriving now into our race consciousness. It is a freeing light. We open ourselves and make ourselves vulnerable to a great being, which is one with all beings. The Marriage of Souls is a door to the divine love that can actively be shared between souls who escape the bonds of exclusivity and ego control.
I feel ready to share the person I love the most
with another person who I love and who loves me.
My wife Luciana has been beautiful in my eyes since the day I met her 20 years ago. I saw, from the first tear she shed, that her physical beauty was perfectly matched with a beauty deep in her soul. So yesterday and these last days, weeks, months and years have led me to the understanding that I am married to the most beautiful woman on the planet.
Sooner or later, I hope to drag her out onto stage where she will begin to spill her love out to the world. Yesterday I was sharing with my wife the deep and vulnerable bond that is opening up between her friend and me. She was glad that she was not there so it could develop freely without her interference. I think she must be from another planet!
When the vulnerability of being meets up with an equal vulnerability
of being a strong bonding force is naturally set up between these
two beings. Open hearts can do nothing but love and when two
such hearts meet explosions of love are made manifest and
there is nothing we or anyone else can do about it. No power
on earth can dissolve the love of two persons if that love be true.
Intimacy creates an open arena in which the feelings of oneness grow. We must face our fears in the most intimate areas of life to regain an intimacy with our own souls. In Love and Sex Medicine, I clearly lay out the differences between intimacy, love and sex. There you will find a lot of reading about how sex takes us to our deepest vulnerabilities and that is why it hurts so much when someone is abused sexually.
The primary difference between egotistical love and the true love of the heart is seen in the difference between the constrictive, exclusive, possessive and controlling love of just one person and the radiation of love for many. True love loves every opportunity to love whereas the ego’s love is fixated on the love of one object, one body, one wife, one husband. It is fine to love another with all one’s heart, body, soul and mind but if you let your heart stop there then there is trouble eventually. We suffer when exclusivity totally takes over us and become dangerous to those around us.
Can the heart promise to love only one person?
Pure love is something that we radiate out freely.
No one can control the light and radiation of the sun.
The true heart radiates out a force that does not stop,
does not rest at any one point. True love simply loves love.
To love one is a closed circle; its limits are too well defined. To love two is more; our circle expands. To love three is growth and from there, there are no more limits. I wrote these words 18 years ago but have lived and loved mostly with Luciana and my children ever since. I have been more of a recluse-not much exposed to people and their hearts.
The Marriage of Souls is the spiritual science of loving more than one other person on the deepest and most committed levels of being. We can marry more than one soul. We can marry souls who are already married to other souls. Souls who are married are committed to love for life. Recently, as I get ready to open up Sanctuary, I find the love growing around me and several people, who will become the backbone of our healing staff, are headed in this direction. The feelings of the building crew are also amazing as we all come together to bring this place into the world.
Group Consciousness stretches our limits.
When we love more we are more.
The feeling of more, being more, doing more, loving more.
The ecstasy of growing our being, being our being.
Individuality expands with the group demands.
The Marriage of Souls is the complete union of divine and personal love. It is the love of others expressed on the most intimate levels of being. It is marriage but a new kind of marriage. It is the love of many expressed on the level that has always been reserved for just one. This spells the end of traditional romance. It is the death of possession and attachment. I wrote those many years ago about a divine type of romance, which is a passion for love itself.
It was almost nineteen years ago that I said to Luciana that I felt married to her in my soul. That was six months before our first kiss. When I did finally get to kiss her I fell heads over heals with someone I was already loving deeply on a soul/being level. And of course in the same spirit I have loved with all my soul the children we have brought into the world.
Two days ago, I got married again on a soul level to a new being and my heart is just starting to expand to accommodate this happening. What does this mean? The marriage vows of the Marriage of Souls: To love for now and forever the essence of your true being. To always be open to communicate and receive each other vulnerably, to not control or possess, to grow and to change, to hold and let go.
Any small group of individuals
who themselves transcend the separate function
of the ego and who live and think holistically
as one integrated being become
spiritually very powerful.
To always encourage the creation of more love even if it is between others and those we already love. Love feeds love. When we love more than one soul, we never have less love for those souls that we already love for all souls are one. For a couple to expand safely out into the light of The Marriage of Souls tremendous love and perfect communication is needed.
Open to experience, open to it all.
It’s thrilling and sometimes even terrifying.
Open to love and this is something else again.
Being open to whatever life sends us
is our proof of our surrender of our love for God.
The Marriage of Souls is that kind of divine love that can be experienced in our hearts as it radiates out to others who are themselves open to that love. In The Marriage of Souls we see the results, the love light being lit up in the eyes of our beloved ones. This is what happens when we really love; people love us in return.
God is willing into existence columns of light energy.
Edifices of love that reach for the heavens.
A new force on earth, purely group consciousness.
Two or more loving souls coming together
blinded by their own love light.
Fusion beyond all bonds
their love will light up the night sky
and be a beacon to call others onto the altar
of the most divine and sweet love.
When the duality passes into the trinity
then all will rest as one.
Once the Oneness of Being is created
between two or more souls
it becomes a powerful magnet
to others who are attracted to love.
Special Note: It is difficult for some minds to understand that love and intimacy can flourish in non-sexual spaces. Everyone wants to know and experience their true being; and this being is most directly felt and experienced through the experience of love. Many issues are complicated by the fact that we want both love and sex to come together. But before we can master our sexualities we have to master our hearts. Sex brings us to the deepest issues of life and love and the creative power itself. We have to put the heart in first place and make love only when there is love or we will incur great suffering.