Erectile dysfunction (ED) does not have to be the problem most men and women think it is and in fact can trigger a new pathway to pleasure, bliss and sexual satisfaction. There are things that can be done to strengthen our sexual organs and increase our libido, some of them quite interesting and medically sound. However, companies that market products to men with ED take advantage of men’s vulnerability on this issue.
One of the interesting things that is not in my book Love and Sex Medicine that might help many men is to apply transdermally iodine to the scrotum, which gets absorbed more intensely than with oral administration. The iodine will rush to the thyroid and back down again to stimulate testosterone, heal the prostate and in general stimulate desire and bring power to the penis. Iodine is essential medicine for a woman’s breasts, ovaries as well as a man’s prostate so one cannot go wrong with this though one should be highly familiar with iodine before embarking on such treatments.
Another innovative medical idea is to use microcurrent therapy directly on the penis. Watching the voltage readings go up as one applies current is interesting as is the enhanced orgasms that come through—super hard or not. Men will find that voltage is higher in their penis than any other part of their body even if they are suffering from ED.
The Hard Part
These kinds of medical interventions are the easy part. What is much harder is to change our sexual orientation and work toward a new and deeper kind of pleasure. ED actually can be seen in a positive light if it motivates us toward change. One should not gravitate or rush after physical treatments while ignoring the deeper issues that the entire human race faces with sex and sexual stress.
The first thing men with ED should do is to relax and detach, at least temporarily, from any obsession they have with intercourse. Intercourse is something we can separate from sexual pleasure for there are many ways to increase pleasure without the need for a hard penis, which is necessary to have intercourse.
No matter how we slice the pie intercourse is a holy act that implies the chances of conceiving new life and that is a great responsibility and should never be taken lightly. Without intercourse, sex is a much lighter affair, which can be more pleasurable than most of us can imagine.
The Religious Part
Religion though would rather have us not imagine thinking erroneously that heightened pleasure takes us away from spiritual pursuits. Here they are dead wrong. Those who suffer from puritanical approaches suffer greatly from the spiritual disease of seriousness from which there is no cure except lots of good sex.
Religions are not wrong, at least not completely so, in trying to restrain people from lust (sex without love) and all the problems that come from irresponsible sexual activities (risky intercourse) though they are terribly wrong to make sex into a crime punishable by death. However, extreme excitement and pleasure are important:
“What’s appealing to me about sex is not the actual friction between body parts– although that’s pretty damn good, too–but the out-of-body, out-of-your-fucking-mind, brain/body explosion that happens during the best sex. Good sex is just somehow…beyond. You’re extremely focused on the now, the line between you and other is blurred, and, in the best moments, you feel like you and the Universe are sort of throbbing together as one. Which sounds a lot like religious ecstasy. (Other times it is just you and your partner, or your hand, or your vibrator–you get off, then go about your day. Which is fine as well.)”
Religions built on making women into second-class citizens, and which criminalize sex are a great plague on human consciousness and sexuality though the spiritual impulse to God or Pure Consciousness can and should be merged with a deepening path to sexual pleasure. The craving for bliss and fulfillment are among the deepest drives in human beings that will not go away no matter what anyone says. When we learn to experience these things in our sexual lives with people we love, we can learn to feel the same for everything including God.
God and Sex are Two Ends of the Same Stick
Those without passion can hardly be passionate for God so men should not surrender to the anxiety of ED. What they must do is turn their sexuality around without using a hard penis as their only asset. Passion is the intensity of life. Without intensity, a passion, where is our love for life. The saints were the most passionate, full of love, over-brimming with devotion whose root is the fire, sex the seed, the polarity, the engine, the force, the impulse toward the light.
Going deep into the art of giving through the physical act of pleasureis just one more avenue to the bliss of the radiating heart.
This gift nurtures our soul; any soul would be pleased
to receive the ultimate gift of pure intimacy.
Sex is probably the most wonderful thing we experience in this life and the only thing that tops that is love. For sure, sex without love is hollow and that is a shame for there is too little love among humans with all the problems that religion brings and with all the problems we have with communication and listening. Ignorance cuts into our sexual pleasure in many unseen ways as do our expectations, uncontrolled needs (lust), basic assumptions and other general problems we have with our minds.
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What is bliss really but intense pleasure? The more intense the pleasure or the longer a lower intensity of pleasure goes on, the deeper and more profound our sense of bliss is. The psychology of pleasure combined with the psychology of orgasm takes us to the psychology of bliss.
Plato said that human beings can only truly access the divine through sexual ecstasy, Eros. When else are humans as rapt by feeling as when they come and when they touch God?
The height of pleasure during an orgasm comes from that moment when our minds finally shut up and we forget everything and many women do not have that experience because they cannot completely surrender their minds to deep pleasure. They hold within them the responsibility for any life they conceive, so that is an issue that limits their sexual pleasure if they have to worry about that. Sexual stress is epidemic especially among women who have been sexual abused and raped; men too feel stress from a lack of love, and pleasure that they are often themselves are responsible for.
Don’t Be Selfish in Bed
Men who are selfish limit their pleasure to the moment of organism, which too often comes to quickly. Premature (early) ejaculation is the most common sexual disorder in men younger than 40 years, with 30-70% of males in the United States affected to some degree at one time or another.
Most men, even with ED, are capable of orgasm but that is not a true measure of pleasure. Quick release of sexual pressure is hardly what I call pleasure and it certainly is not bliss.
The most incredible heights of pleasure are possible without intercourse and without a completely hard penis that just wants to penetrate and the hell with everything else. Slow Sex is the name of two books that I know (see below) which teach a new form of sex that can take us to the moon and back and even to Venus where love, sex, pleasure and bliss can be found.
When we have love with our mates, everything is possible. Men with ED have a rare opportunity to change their ways. Actually, they have no choice unless they want to suffer eternally with a problem that they feel there is little they can do about. In fact, the more men and women obsess about the hardness of the penis and the need for intercourse the more difficult it is to resolve the issue.
When we actually concentrate on pleasure as opposed to intercourse and orgasms, which women do not commonly have anyway when they are penetrated, we can deepen the sexual experience and go to places we have not gone before.
When our ego (self-sense) dissolves, as it can in orgasm and as it can when we prolong pleasure, we merge with something greater than ourselves and this is the bliss of union. This is the essence of the psychology of pleasure, the bliss we feel when we forget ourselves. This is as true in sex as it is in sports or any human activity that leads us to forget about our self and all the thoughts that constantly flow through our minds.
The surge of energy that comes with orgasm is strong enough to shortly blot out our obsession with self though the more dysfunctional we get the shorter and shallower is the experience. The only thing that blocks us from the blissful feeling of oneness with the entirety of creation is the inability to forget ourselves. Therefore, anything that offers us even a moment of this experience is highly desirable and sought after.
Going Deep into the Pleasure of Sex
Let us compare common sexuality where couples rush into intercourse and then orgasm with prolonged sexual activity. Imagine the pleasure of relaxing for a long period with sexual pleasure that can come from oral sex and from using hands and sexual toys (which can be very important for women’s pleasure). Men do not have to be very hard to feel pleasure in their penis and in their hearts though sexual pleasure does increase even more as the strength and health of their sexual organs increases.
When we can relax about our sexualities and take great pleasure in giving pleasure to our mates the reduction of stress helps with ED. When women do not have to fear unwanted conception, they too can more easily relax into sexual pleasure. It should be noted by all that conception can be avoided safely with natural birth control, which is now much easier thanks to a digital machine made in Germany.
When men stop having to prove themselves with their penis they can relax and find something new that is highly pleasurable. What I am going to suggest depends completely on love though young people without commitments can learn a lot as well.
Going deep into the pleasure of sex without intercourse is a way of solving ED problems. One of the Slow Sex authors actually goes to the extreme and has the men exclusively concentrate on giving women the pleasure and the orgasms their bodies need. The other book on Slow Sex assumes healthy individuals without ED but teaches men and women to relax into sex instead of racing toward the goal of orgasm.
Close mindedness to sexual activity will severely limit our chances for the deeper levels of pleasure that are possible between lovers. Moral issues do not belong in the bedroom. All parts of the body are holy and can yield pleasure. Eye contact during sex can be the most pleasurable of things as is communication.
Dr. James W. Prescott contends that the greatest threat to world peace comes from those nations that have the most depriving environments for their children and that are most repressive of sexual affection and female sexuality.
It is simply amazing how deep we can go into oral sex if we want to and the pleasure of that is not dependent on a hard penis. When couples simultaneously give oral to their partners, they can take a trip into prolonged pleasure, a pleasure that increases with time spent and with the love that is applied. It also goes for when we use our hands (with lubrication of course).
When dealing with ED the entire point is to concentrate on what makes pleasure and to do that in a way that does not put pressure on us or create sexual stress. The idea is to get away from sexual stress and to dive into the deepest and sweetest sexuality one can imagine. The point is to do this without having to have a hard penis.
Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction
For men masturbation and pornography are also telling in terms of their ability to respond to real women with real needs. However, for many men these outlets are often essential for them to keep their cool. Many men can get hard only to have their ejaculation way too quickly leaving their women unsatisfied and emotionally distraught.
Diana Richardson, my favorite author of Slow Sex, and many others teach men of the West to avoid orgasm to get into a new level of pleasure. Not easy but the payoff is big. In orgasm however, our energy comes to a surging peak. How surging and how satisfying depends on many factors.
Orgasms vary from person to person and for each individual at different times. Sometimes orgasm is an explosive, amazing rush of sensations, while others are milder, subtler, and less intense. The more intense the orgasm the higher the experience of bliss. Again, a man does not have to be completely hard to have an orgasm and the more he refrains from having one the more intense his orgasms will be. The more we relax and hold our energy in the more energy and the harder men’s penises become.