Because it is impossible to be in the heart and be separate at the same time the simplest clue to knowing when we are in fact in our hearts is to ask ourselves, "Do I feel separate? Am I judging others?" When we judge we separate, and when we separate from one being we separate from all beings, including our own being, because there is only one being. The greatest caring act is to begin to look at how our minds separate being from being. To look at the root cause within us that separates us from the Oneness of Being is the hero’s act because most people value, above all else, their individual ‘separate’ uniqueness.
To give up our separateness we must give up our selfishness, that part of us that brings our conflicts, pains and suffering. Giving up our separateness is the giving up of ego consciousness that is small and puny in comparison to who we really are, the Oneness of Being expressed and experienced through the totally open heart. The terror of our egotism is the fear of losing that special uniqueness that we identify as me. On a being level we never actually loose the uniqueness, only the special-ness and the craving to be important.
For some people the above clue is meaningless because separation is all they know. To them their judgments/thoughts are reality and they have no intention of seeing anything any other way. Most human beings have completely forgot the unitive state of consciousness that they where born with so they lose all interest in checking out anyone else’s reality with any kind of sincerity. For them it is just the reality of their thoughts that have the weight of total reality.
You will see judgments come up again in the section called simple clues to knowing when you are in your mind. People like Marshal Rosenberg of NVC rightfully make a federal case out of our incessant propensity for judgment. Though this is just one of the basic ego blocks it is one of the most common. Our language and daily expressions are full of evidence of our use of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness, badness, or even ‘evil’ on the part of people who do not act the way we think they should. Marshal has built a whole communication system that tries to minimize our use of such life alienating ways of both thinking and speaking.