The kinds of changes that HeartHealth and The Marriage of Souls are interested in are changes in our basic capacity for love. Stretching our hearts to love more is the work of a lifetime but great lovers of love are looking to accelerate this process for the sake of love and for the sake of inner contentment and happiness. When we step out into the light of expanding our love we step into some kind of cosmic feedback machine that confronts us with many mirrors of the quality of our love. We are faced with other people’s reactions, and if we truly love, then we have to work out, through deep communication, all the problems that our impure love is creating in the inner world of others.
The true soul is sensitive and is pained when life confronts them with any lack inside their own heart. When they see the limits of their love they are motivated to expand past that limit and the pain helps them do it. They are motivated to dig deep inside themselves and work toward change. But change is not easy for our being and our emotional patterns are set in deep groves. Our being is the sum total of everything we have ever done, been, and thought. Most "spiritual" people like the idea of change, but also want something else. There are two secrets to change. The first secret is to really want to change.
Not only do we need to fall in love with love. We need to fall in love with change.
If there is no will, no love to change, how can we change? Many people hang on to concepts that close them off from real change. The first step in the process of change comes with the openness to realize that our concepts are not reality. Concepts are only mental models of reality. All change on the being level happens beyond the world of religious and spiritual concepts.
Concepts are designed to prevent us from getting enlightened. Concepts are obstacles to change.
The second secret to meaningful change and the discovery of our true heart is found in our willingness to look at those things inside of us that we do not want to look at. The essential nature of the ego, besides separation, is self-blindness. Our minds are caught up in an endless chain of rationalizations that continually justify our present existence. Because the heart is the totality of our existence, we deny that totality when we deny any particular aspect of ourselves.
We are not interested or capable of looking at those parts of ourselves that we do not want to look at.
There are just certain things that we simply do not want to see about ourselves because it is too painful. We don’t want to suffer, so we do not want to look. Nobody likes to see his or her own weaknesses. No one likes to be wrong. It is that one thing, that tragic flaw, which is obvious to the people around us, this is what we least want to see and deal with. When life, or our friends or lovers try to point things out to us we manifest our resistance to change as a lack of listening.
The wisest person is the one who listens the deepest. We cannot say anything to a person who is identified with their ego or self-sense.
This is one of the most hurtful experiences we endure in life. With our loved ones, family, friends, and business associates there are times when we must make a communication, because of powerful feelings we are having and when we make it, the other does not listen.
All relationships begin a rapid death when people resist growth and change because that is when communication breaks down.Love gets destroyed when communication breaks down, and communications breaks down because people are not interested in real change.
The true mirror or test is seen in our openness to look at those difficult things that we simply do not want to look at. It is that one thing that we need to see about ourselves, that we do not see, that causes us the most problems in life. Yet it is the last thing that we want to look at. Life continually tries to mirror us, tries to shed some light on what is dark inside of us, but we resist. Life is a mirror that reflects back to us the quality of our consciousness. Without our commitment to real change our selfish needs and fears begin to smother our hearts. But if we can find the love, and the willingness to look at our blind spots, we discover that we have the power at every moment to change our life, our situation, and ourselves. And the greatest way we have to prove that the quality of our love is pure is by our willingness to change. What greater act of love is there but change? Especially when our actions or nonactions are disturbing the life of loved ones. And we prove our willingness to change through the caring we show to listen to others and their feelings and observations about our behaviour.
Change is the symphony of the Heart
Our individual resistance to change is one of the most basic characteristics of our human nature and is mirrored by our resistance to open our mouths and say how we really feel. People love the stable, the familiar, and the secure. Usually, life has to slap us pretty hard because we resist changes. We play it safe behind our silence. When we don’t share or communicate we don’t risk and when we don’t risk we never face the mirror of life that will lead us toward change.
Communication Psychology is the psychology of change because it recognizes that communication itself heals by leading us into a deep process of growth and change. It recognizes that communication taken to the therapeutic level leads a person into a confrontation with the ego. A commitment to authentic heart felt communication and listening leads one down the razors edge of real change. It is impossible to communicate from the heart and not change. We both change and grow or we break the stream of communication.
If we do not want to listen to others because they are communicating about something that we do not want to see, we destroy the very thing that we so much want in our life, love. Even with our loved ones, we get tired and begin to resent what we feel is their lack of caring.
Our willingness to change is the only way we can convince ourselves and others that we are in fact absolutely committed to love.
– Christopher Hills